oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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