fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
