you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
