The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
