Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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