my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
