theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize