i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
