haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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