She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
