I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
