he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how drunk are you?
Several
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
