All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
