If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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