Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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