VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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