she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
