im about as happy as oj after his trial
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
