I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
