I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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