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how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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