i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
