Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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