She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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