So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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