Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
