the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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