Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
