The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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