by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
