i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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