...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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