Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
