you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
