considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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