if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
