Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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