You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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