I think I am morally bankrupt
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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