Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize