My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
