ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
