Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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