he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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