A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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