He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
