my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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