1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
