i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
