dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
