your thong is hanging out like whoa
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
