I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
