I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
