One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
