Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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