I would go down on you faster than GM stock
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
