How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
