Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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