It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
