I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
