We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
