I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My penis needs a shock collar
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
