I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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