the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They have beer where we have blood.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
