someone threw a dead crab at me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
