Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
