If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
