I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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