You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
vagina is talking i cant
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
