You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
