Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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