I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
